Friday, February 27, 2009

Mark 1:12-13

In Mark we don't hear about the contents of the temptations. In some of the references I'm reading the authors/preachers go right to the 'three temptations' of the other gospels. But I wondered, if we didn't know that story, what might the temptation have sounded like.

There are lots of demon exorcisms in Mark. And the demons know who Jesus is - the Son of God. I figure the demons are all on the family cell phone plan. And daddy is Satan, who meets Jesus in these two short verses. (see also Mark 3:21-27 - and I did read 'Binding the Strong Man' years ago)

Did the dialogue go like this:
Satan to Jesus: What are you doing here?

Jesus: I was baptized by John
I’m not even sure why I went there
then the heavens erupted
and the spirit – white – blinding – like a dove
and a voice said: you are my beloved son
I delight in you.

Satan: so, what are you doing here? In the wilderness?

Jesus: I’m not sure.
that same dove would not let me rest until I was here. Flying, diving, in my face, at my head, until I ran, headlong, to this barren rock.

Satan: hmm- want to play cards?

Jesus: the people wandered in the wilderness for 40 years

Satan: you want to stay that long?

Jesus: I don’t think I’m supposed to. No. I don’t want to play cards.

Satan: it’s good to see you. It’s time we got some things clear. Nothing changes, okay. My domain remains the same; my ‘people’ do what they do.

Jesus: Jacob wrestled an angel that night beside the Jabbok. Shall we wrestle?

Satan: you are not going to do this the easy way, are you?

Jesus: no. Not at all. Your 'people' will know I am here, and I will not let one of them continue to torture my children.

Satan: 4 days, 40 days, 4 years. It does not matter. I will win in the end. Come, let us reason together. Let us find a way for you and me to co-exist. You be the king, I’ll be the power behind the throne. You be the popular, loved healer – I’ll come along for the ride.

Jesus: your time is over. Your power shall end. The answer is clear – it is written in the book – only one shall rule. And it won’t be you.

Satan: bah – the book. I’ve lived with that book for a thousand years and it hasn’t stopped me yet. In fact, it’s been rather helpful these past few years.

Jesus: and the heart – it will be written anew on their hearts. That they are loved, that they are precious, that they have a future beyond this life, and that it does not include you.

Satan: will they listen to you – a peasant preacher, an unauthorized rabbi from nowhere, a poor man with poorer friends? How will they find any comfort in your words – all air and nothing concrete? They want to hear the way that leads to power, that leads to riches, that leads to respect, that leads to comfort and pleasure.

Jesus: they will hear of love, of mercy, of justice. Those who have none of those things will hear that God desires that for them.

Satan: so those will be your words and the reality is . . . ?

Jesus: the reality will be what we make it to be. The reality will be love and mercy and justice. The healed, the fed, the reconciled will know love, mercy and justice. They will create these things for others as they have known them.

Satan: That’s a pretty squishy agenda. There will still be lots of room to work for me and my ‘people.’

Jesus: Less and less room. The battle starts here. Now. All the powers will be watching.

Satan: You call it a battle, then. To the death?

Jesus: To the death? Yes, yes, if necessary. Yes, even to death.


I understand some of those temptations. To comfort before justice, to security before mission, to prosperity before sacrifice. I see them in myself. I see them in the church. I see doubt in who we are, in what we do, in what we have to offer.

And though I am not a big fan of spiritual warfare language, I see that Satan still has lots of room to wiggle in and close off our ears to the dramatic power of the gospel.

For all that is the reason we need confession and forgiveness. We hear and do not hear, we see and do not see, we know and do not know.

These are first thoughts on the lesson for Sunday. I don't think I'll use the dialogue, but it's food for thought.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Masks and Marks

Ash Wednesday, 2009
Part of a multi-media presentation

What do we hide behind? (Masks and Marks)
(First slide – What masks do we wear?) (to Jennifer Knapp's Faithful to Me)
(On the slides -
This is my real hair color.
Nothing is wrong with . . . . family, child, marriage, job,
My job is my life
Don’t let them see you sweat
You can do it
(second slide – Many, many masks)
I don’t have a problem with . . . drugs, alcohol, pornography, shopping,
I ran into a door
I don’t care about what you think

(third slide – three masks)

(Now this is the sermon)

What masks do we wear?
What mask comes on when we see that person – what masks do we buy?
What face do we put on when we are hurting?
When we are lonely in the midst of the crowd?
What masks come with the job? (remove stole)
What masks help us think we’re better than, more powerful than? (remove robe)
When we think we are being judged? When we are ashamed?

What masks do we wear when life is painful?
What masks do we wear when all seems lost?
What masks do we wear for other people?

I was once part of a group that was asked to participate in a mediation that
Began with the question - what are you hiding from God?
My colleague snarked – come on, He’s God! He already knows!
Be honest.
He’s God. He’s already knows.

Our masks are not for God’s sake. He knows. He knows us through and through.
From the rising of the sun to its setting.
From the ends of the earth, there is no separation from Him.
He knew you in the womb before you were knit together.
He knows you in the depth of pain and shame and anxiety and grief.
He knows you when you are joyful and fearful that this good thing can’t last.

(Fourth slide – two masks)
Our masks are ours alone. We make, we own them, we keep them, we prize them.
They are that which separates us from God and each other.
They are our fears of being truly human and truly God’s

Matthew 5:17-20 – Jesus says: 17 “Don’t misunderstand why I have come.
I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets.
No, I came to fulfill them.
18 I assure you, until heaven and earth disappear,
even the smallest detail of God’s law will remain until its purpose is achieved.
19 So if you break the smallest commandment
and teach others to do the same,
you will be the least in the Kingdom of Heaven.
But anyone who obeys God’s laws and teaches them will be great in the Kingdom of Heaven.
20 “But I warn you—unless you obey God
better than the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees do,
you can’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven at all!

And with THAT message – we pretty quickly slam those masks on our faces!
With THAT message – we squirm and we ask – who then can be saved?
Who can be righteous?
Who can be good enough?

(5th Slide – Mask to Cross)
Can we find the right mask to make us look good enough?

The answer is not a mask – at all.
(Click –to change picture to cross)

It is a mark. It’s a fire branded on our foreheads. It’s an symbol, a sign, a letter, a tattoo.
We put it on babies – who don’t understand about faking it.
We put it on the dying – who couldn’t care less.
We put it on each other on this night.

(have ash cross put on my forehead)

The mark comes to us through his DEATH.
Through his Death.
The most honest act ever done.
The most loving answer possible to our dishonesty,
The masks we wear:
our addictions, our pride, our anger, our fears
our hoarding, our neglect – our sin.

This mark is our salvation from our own doing.
This mark is our hope, our only hope.
This mark is the door for our new life.
Life without masks. Life with the Lord. The Kingdom of Heaven.

So let’s be honest with ourselves.
God already knows. The confession isn’t for him.
It’s for us. Put down the masks, and prepare to receive the mark.

Let us kneel. (straight into confession)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Ash Wednesday - what if?

What if we re-thought what Lent worship might be like?
If we kept the focus on the cross, on what Jesus has done for us, but asked for creative ways to express this.

This is our creative Lent. It's been collaborative - Ash Wednesday has been primarily my work, but after that our Youth Director will be doing the messages, others have contributed ideas for music, for art projects, others will be doing technical stuff, skits, etc.

Here is the outline for Ash Wednesday
Prelude - (yes, it's organ music. Not to startle people too fast, it fits with the notion - you are in church)
Introduction (a small explanation of what may be happening)
Opening Prayer
Lord of mercy and hope, be with us in this time. Help us look inward, seeking to right those things that are wrong; desiring to be your disciples. Open our hearts to you and help us grow in your grace and peace. We ask this in Jesus’ Name. AMEN.

“Our Father We have Wandered” ELW 606 (if you don't know this it's the prodigal son's yearning set to the tune of 'O Sacred Head' - again fits the notion of church, but also the heart-feeling of the evening - repentance, return to the Lord.)

Skit - why Ash Wednesday follows Mardi Gras.
Joel 2:12-17 (The Message)
Change Your Life

Message What masks do we wear? - each week has a question. (I may use part of Zooropaby U2)
The Gospel lessons are part of the sermon - and these are not the usual Ash Wednesday lessons - I didn't want to go to that place of 'doing the right thing' this year.
Matthew 5:17-20
17 “Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to fulfill them. 18 I assure you, until heaven and earth disappear, even the smallest detail of God’s law will remain until its purpose is achieved. 19 So if you break the smallest commandment and teach others to do the same, you will be the least in the Kingdom of Heaven. But anyone who obeys God’s laws and teaches them will be great in the Kingdom of Heaven.
20 “But I warn you—unless you obey God better than the teachers of religious law and the Pharisees do, you can’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven at all!

Matthew 7:24-29
24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse, because it is built on rock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and ignores it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash.”
28 After Jesus finished speaking, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, 29 for he taught as one who had real authority—quite unlike the teachers of religious law. (The New Living Translation)

Confession - The traditional words
The assembly kneels or sits. Silence is kept for reflection and self-examination.

Most holy and merciful God,
we confess to you and to one another, and before the whole company of heaven,
that we have sinned by our fault,
by our own fault, by our own most grievous fault, in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done and by what we have left undone.

We have not loved you with our whole heart, and mind, and strength.
We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
We have not forgiven others as we have been forgiven.
The response it the Greek Kyrie

We have shut our ears to your call to serve as Christ served us.
We have not been true to the mind of Christ.
We have grieved your Holy Spirit.

Our past unfaithfulness, the pride, envy, hypocrisy,
and apathy that have infected our lives,
we confess to you.

Our self-indulgent appetites and ways,
and our exploitation of other people,
we confess to you.

Our negligence in prayer and worship,
and our failure to share the faith that is in us,
we confess to you.

Our neglect of human need and suffering,
and our indifference to injustice and cruelty,
we confess to you.

Our false judgments,
our uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors,
and our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us,
we confess to you.

Our waste and pollution of your creation,
and our lack of concern for those who come after us,
we confess to you.

Restore us, O God, and let your anger depart from us.

Holy Communion

The Lord’s Prayer
Reception of Communion
Imposition of Ashes

Music – 801 Change my Heart O God

Reflection time (Video - Into the Mystery – Jason Gray?)
& Offering

Forgive our Sins as we forgive to “Land of Rest” (Jerusalem, my happy home)


As an outline this doesn't seem too strange. But my sermon will be odd. We aren't doing things in the usual way. We have intentionally jammed all the wordy stuff together, and plan to move it along fast. Holy Communion is the answer to the confession.
In the weeks to come we'll be doing cooperative art projects, (each will result in a cross) along with non-traditional messages and more questions:
What do you have to give? (The anointing at Bethany - what great gift is worthy, yourself?)
What are you hungry for? (The Last Supper)
What distracts you? (The Garden - we want to create art work using old Cds)
Where do you flee? (The arrest)
What do you have to give (the Crucifixion - we will be using Walter Wagnerin's Ragman story and the rags - held by the people as signs of their grief and despair -will be woven into a cross)

Still haven't figured out Maundy Thursday.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

in a better place

Yes, I'm in a better place now. Calling the health care advocate at the board of pensions got the prescription problem solved in 15 minutes. What my own conversation with the poor person at the pharmacy couldn't do, that magic of authority could do.

But they will review the mix-up with the account manager. This was about a little problem - what happens to people who have real problems and can't get mad or don't have someone helpful to call?

Since the bad news hit right after I paid big bucks to get my car back on the road (fuel pump failure), and right before two funerals, I could just feel my BP up high. It may be just my imagination, but I think I can tell if my BP is too high.

Some would think being alone all weekend is a bad thing - but, no reflection upon Aquila, it's nice to be all alone for the weekend. I can eat when I want and watch TV and play on the computer. And no sermon needs to be written this week.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

oh, the stupidity

This makes my blood boil and my blood pressure rise.

I take medication for my high blood pressure. We have tried various medications, up to and including ACE inhibitors. ACE inhibitors make me cough terribly. I take an ARB. It is the next step up. This is what has worked.

10 days ago I ordered a refill from my mail-order prescription place. Today I received a letter saying that I wouldn't be getting any prescription until my doctor fills out the explanation of why I take this instead of that. 1o days later they deny the prescription for what I've been taking for over 3 years.

This is not good for my high blood pressure.

The poor operator could do nothing. Could only say they tried to contact my doctor 8 days after the prescription was asked for. That was the day after they sent the denial letter. Yes, they denied this with a letter, even though they had my e-mail and my phone number. And used the phone number to assure me on day 3 that the prescription was on it's way.

I am pissed.

On top of my fuel pump failing and stranding me on the highway one hour before confirmation last night, and costing me big $$$ to get fixed.

On top of a staff person who writes in her last minute report to council that she can't talk to me. And another one who just says flat out won't do what in the job descriptioin.

And two funerals. And Lent.

My blood pressure is high.

Tonight bad TV and the cat on my lap.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday after

I know it's selfish, but I'm almost crying because the funeral will take away my day of retreat. It's my job, it's what I do, it's what I'm called to do. Why is is so fr*king hard to get a day off? To get two days off in a row?

I probably feel this way since I just completed a 64 hour week - and that was with one night at home.

At this time last year I hit a wall. My blood pressure spiked, I snapped at people, had long weepy conversations, increased my meds - of all kinds. I promised myself that I would not get the Lent syndrome again.

Lent will be full and busy this year. That is why I had hoped to have my three days this next week. Now - hmm, I work on Friday, my day off, I probably write a sermon on Thursday, and Saturday - Saturday is still mine - all mine!


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Every Morning when I rise

The sermon as it is at noon on Saturday - it will change.

Epiphany 6 – Feb. 15, 2009
Mark 1:40-45

In the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise, in the morning when I rise, give me Jesus. That old spiritual ran through my heart when I first contemplated the lesson from Mark this week. For the healed leper, that was his song, in the morning, he gave praise, in the morning he reflected upon his experience of miracle and power, and he sang the praise of Jesus.

He had good reason, event though Jesus had asked him not to tell anyone. Tell no-one nothing – that double negative makes it clear – keep this under your hat. Keep this between the two of us. But the power of that encounter could not be kept quiet, and it still rings true today.

Let’s look back at what is going on in Jesus’ ministry at this moment. He has had a great, dazzling beginning – he has taught to great acclaim – and cast out demons, healed sick people, drawn great attention to himself. There are crowds in the streets, so much so that he has to sneak out the back way just to find a quiet place to pray in the pre-dawn light.

And now, this leper has approached him. Understand now, that leprosy could be any number of skin conditions – the common denominator was that the sufferer was isolated from the community until that skin condition cleared up. If it cleared up, then the sufferer could ask the priests to re-evaluate their status – if the priests declared them clean, then they could return home. What they called leprosy could be as permanent and disabling as what we now call Hansen’s disease, or it could be temporary – an infection or eczema, to be treated with coal tar, or medicinal salve.

If you desire, you have the power to make me clean. This is a great line, full of audacity and challenge. The leper sees in Jesus “power” – the power to heal him AND declare him clean, to make him whole, physically and spiritually and socially. He approached Jesus and demands from Jesus his full attention. If you desire, you have the power to do what the priests cannot. The priests can confirm that a leper has been cleansed – but they have no power to actually cleanse a leper, to remove the disease. They can only ban and separate and remove the separation.

Only God – and Jesus, God’s chosen one, has the power to break the bonds, to wash away this affliction, to complete the healing, both body, soul and society. Jesus commands the man to return to the priests, to show them the evidence that God is working in the world in a new way – see – now I am cleansed, wholly, by the word and touch of God. Return, and give the priests their sacrifices – as a witness to what God is doing in the world.

Jesus is ‘stern’ now – he is motivated by – what – frustration? Distain? Anger? To send the man to get the official stamp on what God has done, is, in part, the beginning of the conflict that we will see later in the story – the conflict between Jesus and the authorities that will end with his death.

Healing a leper, which only God could do,
and doing it by touching him, which went against the purity laws,
and declaring him clean, which only the priest was supposed to do, could get Jesus into a lot of trouble.

Through this act of compassion, Jesus breaks down the walls, steps over any social stigma, and opens the door to all of us – all of us who carry our own diseases, our own pain, our own stigma – our own brand of isolation.

What is that one thing you are not telling your friends?
What is that one thing you did that you are not proud of?
What is that one situation you can’t solve, and can’t avoid?
What causes you to lay awake at night?

That, that is your leprosy – that is your stain, our stain, our barrier.

In the morning when I rise, give me Jesus. That is our need, every day. We believe that we can return, every day, to the moment of Jesus’ loving touch on us, to the encounter just like the encounter of the leper with Jesus – asking – If you choose, you can make me whole – and Jesus will answer, has promised to answer – I do choose. Be made clean!

We tie that promise to this promise - the promise of the water and the word, the promise of the power of the baptism Jesus commanded. We are reminded, urged to return to the water daily, making our repentance, and spiritually being made clean.

It’s one of the joys of being Lutheran that we have this conviction that our baptism is not a once-in-a-lifetime moment, but an on-going process of washing and cleaning, of growing and changing. “When we become Christians, the old creature daily decreases until finally destroyed. This is what is means to daily plunge into baptism and daily to come forth again. So the external sign has been appointed not only so that it may work powerfully on us but also so that it may point to something.”

That something is our lives blossoming in love and mercy and good works. That something that our daily repentance and our daily encounter with the loving God– our on-going life in baptism – may show is our lives as the children of God.

Be like the leper, I encourage you – that sounds strange, and somewhat distasteful – but be bold before our God. Know that he has the power to calm you, to soothe you, to quell your fears and walk with you through the hard times. Be bold - know he has the ability to heal the spiritual wounds you carry, to remove the isolation and the barriers.

That is the power of the water of baptism – it is our symbol and our way into this hope, this power that the leper did see, did call upon, and which the leper could not, could not be silent about. Glory be to God, who loves us and wishes us to be clean. Amen.

Friday, February 13, 2009

RevGalBlogPals Friday 5 - our companions

+RevGalBlogPals Friday Five:
Sophia invites us to remember five 'the beloved animal companions who bless our lives:'

Orbit. My first cat. We had many, many cats in our family, but this was the first I was able to select and name. This was at the time John Glenn went into orbit for the first time. And so the name. My father tried to tell me that 'black as orbit' didn't make sense - he was an engineer after all - but I remember he gave up laughing at me. Orbit was shiny black with white socks and bib. I believe we placed him in another home after my father's death, when we had to move away from New York.

Roxie, our beloved family Irish Setter. She was what would now be called a rescue dog, adopted by us as an adult through our vet. She already had gray on her muzzle when I remember her. She was an extraordinarily gentle dog. Somewhere there was a photo with my little sister, at 2 1/2 STANDING on Roxie, looking out the window. She died of old age.

Sancho Panza, a cat. My mother named this one, I think. Sancho was cream-colored, long-haired and independent. One winter we had to shave him because he got so matted. He never forgave us, and eventually moved in with my cousin when she was living next door. Yes, she said, he started showing up and asking to be let inside, and over a month or too it became clear he had chosen to live with her. Probably the fact we had a new pair of kittens didn't help.

Cesear, the boneless wonder. Another cat, this time my sister's. Long, lean and golden tabby, he would go boneless when she picked him up, and would ride on her shoulder. She had to leave him behind when she went to college, but he began a long line of cats that my sister has cared for.

Chipper, our current companion, seen above. He has a split personality - summer and winter. In summer he's a feisty hunter with a taste for baby bunny and staying out all night. In winter he's a lazy affectionate lap cat. He has extraordinary eyes - two colors of green, beautiful soft fluffy fur, and elegant posture. He could be a show cat, except he is radically shy - most of my friends have never seen him. The ears are uneven now, since he had surgery - but they give him character. He is never happier than when someone is home all day - put an afghan on your lap and he knows it's an invitation for his comfort. Also know as His Majesty, Bringer of Wrath to Rabbits and Chipperdoodle.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

thursday musing

I've been back only 2 weeks and I'm already looking forward to a day of retreat.

It's been that hectic. Just the stuff to do takes time, a little here, a little there. An hour to visit the hospitals. Playing phone tag. The only hitch to my retreat day could be a funeral. I have not been responsible for leadership at a funeral since the 1st of the year. MP has had 5, PTMP has had about 5 too. I'm on deck for the next one.

My response to an erupting staff issue is "I don't have time for this." I really don't. It's not all about you, or me, or the colleague who made the decision you don't agree with. Don't ask me to have a meeting to tell you that. Stop hyperventilating and act like an adult.

Thoughts about Sunday's lessons. There is so much in this little story about the leper and Jesus. So far I've picked up - healing vs. cleansing. Notice that the word is cleansing, not healing. (I've been able to actually spend time with the Greek - fun, but perhaps not productive. - Isn't that sad?)

Cleansing this leper - declaring him clean - is a priestly function. Like the next story, about healing and forgiving sins - Jesus is expanding notion of wholeness. It will be no longer controlled by the priestly rituals. Jesus is snorting when he tells the man to go back (ek-ebalov) to the priests and witness to them. The English is softer.

The leper says to Jesus: you have the power to cleanse me. What faith!

It is sad that spending time with the Greek does not a sermon make these days. I need stories, a hook, an image, some tap-dancing and fireworks. Sigh, Jesus, pilot me.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

heard on Saturday

"We used to have to come 20 minutes early to get a spot. Now we don't even fill up half the church."

(to the organist)
"Oh, I love when you choose all the old favorites."

Maybe those two things have something to do with each other.

It's not 1958 anymore.

I hope I don't get fired over alternative Lent.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

i can't - i can

Coming home from break puts me in a new place, looking at some things from new(er) perspectives. And coming to some hard decisions.

To put these resolutions in the form of i can't -i can seems appropriate - because they start with stopping.

i (we) can't continue to financially support DS. I can tell him that we care, care so much we will let him fail.

i can't continue to be emotionally entangled and feel responsible for DS. I will stop looking for job opportunities, stop trying to be his coach. He doesn't want a coach.

i can't continue to be both mirror of lead pastor and team pastor and everything pastor - I can work with MP to sort out who does what and how I can step away from some stuff (and how he can step away from others).

i can't continue working 56 hours/week and 5 evenings out of 7. I will remember to double schedule some nights so to be home others. And to relax on those evenings and not feel guilty.

i can't find time to exercise - it's just not a go. No guilt. I can find time to walk around a lot, stay active at work, wear comfortable shoes. I can eat wisely and drink less.

i can't stop everything. I can learn more about mindfulness and slow down a lot.

So that's the place I am.

The issues around DS are so complicated. We have a history of abusive behavior - him toward me. He was removed from the home for disorderly conduct - but always returned. Even returned against my stated wishes. The cops talked me out of making complaints sometimes. Now he is older and out of the house. But he still uses us.

The evening we returned home he was in a foul mood. He refused and swore at me when I requested to use the family computer, to check e-mail and pay bills. He admitted that he hadn't done a single thing about looking for work, and blamed us. He had the gall to say we hadn't done anything for him. I asked him for the house key, and asked him to leave. He punched a hole in a door (a new door, to boot). But he thinks he was fine - because he wasn't directly confrontational - I was the one who was yelling.

The day after he called, politely, and asked for the rent check. Today he said he would look at job leads.

But it's all a game, isn't it? A game I've been playing for 6 years. Who is the real kid - the real man? The liar or the contrite one, the angry one or the sweet one? If I was his girlfriend - would he be gone? Would I be strong enough? But I'm his mother - there are so many internal conflicts - and he'll never be gone.

Get help, some say. But what help is there? Tough love - we are starting on that, although I don't like the official philosophy. It's hard to watch your kid actually starve (he's lost 20 lbs at least, since he doesn't have money to eat.) The official help agencies - they want to work with people who want to help themselves. he's not there yet.

And off I go to church and I'm to be just fine. I am to be available 55 hours a week and not complain. I am to be present for all the troubles and trials, sit through meetings while we debate throw-away communion cups vs. glass, and listen to fussing without action. I am so conscientious I worry if I pare away 2 hours of the day when I "should" be working.

I have to stop this. Just be. Breathe. Take time.

Prayers welcome.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

back here

We're back from the Spiritual Care Collaborative conference in Orlando. More about that later.

And thanks - I'm now on the Revgals blog ring.! And my one reader - hi to you. I walked on beaches.

Just the feelings about being back.

Rested - worried
Calm - upset
Peaceful - annoyed

The first is the 'getting on the plane' place and the second is now - 12 hours after I get home place.

How quickly we lose the aura. Some of that had to do with feeling I had to look at my work e-mail. Along with the usual is one from someone asking reconsideration of a decision made many months ago. And MP said - okay, let's take it back to committee.

Some with getting a message from my brother that he couldn't reach the telephone we took to Florida, so did not connect with us, so we did not see each other after how many years. But he called the home phone to leave that message. Even though I told him to let me know before I left.

Some of that has to do with DS and his attitude. More about that later.

But the cat was not too mad at us. He played and then sat on whoever he could find all night.

Now, about that aura. The peace outside fed the peace inside. - @Peace - is part of my sign-in name for that reason. Now I find I am called to go the other way. From finding my internal Peace and allowing it to soothe me slow my actions temper my feelings modify my speech.

Getting there bit by bit.