Sunday, May 17, 2009

reflection on sundays in may

+
Last Sunday was Mother's day and this Sunday was confirmation. This year I'm stuck in pensive reflection because of what we don't have. My son did make brunch and show up for dinner and he said happy Mother's day. But . . . it's not about his looks, but he looks like a street person. But . . . it's not about accomplishments, but he has no job and isn't looking for one. It's not about money, but we've been putting about 1/4 of his dad's income into his support. He's not in school. He's waiting for a court date.

Confirmation hurts because he was never confirmed. He was already in trouble with the law by 14. Sometimes fellow clergy have said: "I want to talk to your son - I'd like to get to know him." And I think they think they can 'reach him' - because, you know, they are so good with troubled young men. The only contact MP had with him was picking me up at the house a couple of years ago, at the end of one of his rages and hearing his profanity-laced diatribe at me. He hasn't suggested speaking to my son since.

Tonight I laid out two courses. One course is to connect with someone I know who is a former job coach. She has been supportive and not judgmental toward us. If he would do this and work the program, we would continue support. The other course is that I identify a time for him to vacate his apartment, move him into his car, and clean up the apartment so I'm not liable for damages.

He said: Okay, I'm leaving now.

Considering his history, I should be happy he didn't come at me in a rage. If he is borderline I should expect some kind of crisis now - we'll see. If he's sociopathic, he's work this offer to his own advantage. Do I think he's take it at face value and see it as the helping hand it's supposed to be?

Unfortunately, that's not been our experience.

These Sundays do not speak to heart.
+

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Setting boundaries... saying no more... is the hardest thing to do. It sounds like you are trying to do that... and it is breaking your heart. It also sounds like this isn't the first time your heart has been tore apart.

I'm sorry. I pray that you find the strength to figure out how to deal with all that you have on your plate... and how to keep the hole in your heart from becoming so large that you get lost in it.