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There's a difficult funeral coming up. And the weekend worship work begins in about 4 hours. I'm already dressed for work - leaving Aquila at home to be domestic.
On my e-mail I receive the weekly update from Religion and Ethics Newsletter, and usually zip right through and delete it. Today I stopped. They have the transcript of an interview with Kathleen Norris - her new book, the first in years, is called "Acedia and Me", I guess. Interesting conversation which opens some doors for me, personally.
Questions about my interior life like: Why am I avoiding the scriptures I claim to love so well?
What has happened to my prayer life? How are life and love and this power beyond me active in my life?
Questions about my pastoral work: How am I addressing this 'acedia'? Hiding in details - what is the whole? Public persona - private person - how are they connected? (which is the theme of this whole blog, in a way)
Today the e-mailed scripture was Psalm 90, which Norris quotes. It caught my attention because of the info I had received about the difficult funeral. Anguish and resignation and prayer for re-shaping, all in one poem.
Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding with steadfast love. (excuse the gender - it's from the memory of the sung text).
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Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
head down
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It's been a head-down week. That is, a time to just keep on and not do much reflection. I look back and wonder where the time has gone.
I've been using the phrase Trust and Praise as a summary for this week. But I realize that I should reverse the order. Praise and Trust. Praise is remembering - as Mary remembers all the great things God has done for her! (Mary seems to be referencing the miracle within her - and connecting it with all God's acts in the past. Mary personalizes the past as benefit to her personally) . And Praise, connected to remembering, brings us to a place of trust in God's guidance, presence, mission. This is especially important in time of anxiety. (and there will be anxiety since this weekend's presentation of giving goals).
Mary is wise. She looks back and treasures. She looks forward and embraces. She does it all in love. And that is wisdom.
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It's been a head-down week. That is, a time to just keep on and not do much reflection. I look back and wonder where the time has gone.
- detail work on stewardship
- trying to figure out if it would be better to change to my husband's health plan
- meetings, meetings, meetings
- detail work on worship - planning services, calendars
- calls on the phone, calls at homes, hospitals
- coaching dear son on life after the girlfriend
I've been using the phrase Trust and Praise as a summary for this week. But I realize that I should reverse the order. Praise and Trust. Praise is remembering - as Mary remembers all the great things God has done for her! (Mary seems to be referencing the miracle within her - and connecting it with all God's acts in the past. Mary personalizes the past as benefit to her personally) . And Praise, connected to remembering, brings us to a place of trust in God's guidance, presence, mission. This is especially important in time of anxiety. (and there will be anxiety since this weekend's presentation of giving goals).
Mary is wise. She looks back and treasures. She looks forward and embraces. She does it all in love. And that is wisdom.
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Tuesday, November 11, 2008
little things
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It's the little things that get to me, and keep me going.
negative
positive
negative
positive
And I have to remember - don't feel guilty for taking care of myself!
I did promise that I would take a retreat and spiritual direction this month. I promised my spiritual director. I had better start planning soon.
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It's the little things that get to me, and keep me going.
negative
- Sniping on staff. Just stop!
positive
- A lady saying - I've missed you - of course you can come out
- Another one reminding me, tomorrow is the 'lunch thing' - please come
negative
- any conversation about visibility
- knowing some meat has spoiled because I haven't been home to cook it
positive
- Spending a couple of hours creating a thanksgiving liturgy
- being on a staff ministry and trusting the others.
- starting to slow down on the details -
And I have to remember - don't feel guilty for taking care of myself!
I did promise that I would take a retreat and spiritual direction this month. I promised my spiritual director. I had better start planning soon.
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Friday, November 7, 2008
stewardship and stuff
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Working on a stewardship message for the newsletters that will go out at the end of November. Yes, we work well ahead of it.
This post here at A Church for Starving Artists (on Trinity & Community) caught my attention. I wish we had that kind of expansion of ministry going on. It is what should be going on - a way to catch the Spirit and create places for the Spirit to work in community.
I come from a tradition where Worship - the community at Worship - has been considered THE big event, the core, the significant time. Because of that my tradition has been slow to understand the power of small groups, of interpersonal relationshps and the intensive but somehow light touch of true personal discipling. We may seen these things happening, we may have personally experienced them, but we don't have ways to incorporate those practices into our Church Life very well.
We are still blocked by the centrality of Word and Sacrament - and define that as THE preaching and THE Sunday community meal.
If I were asked why this is so - in truth, I think it is because we are tired. Most pastors I know, seem tired, even if they won't admit it. Many of my laity are tired, too tired to engage in our community. And I think our theology is tired - not wrong, not outdated, and certainly not false or anything like that - just tired and unhappily stuck to that 1950s model of being church.
This impacts with stewardship - here we are, by necessity, asking for money and commitment, but we are tired and don't really know what we are commiting to. And those other arenas for growth - for what JanE called community in Trinity - are not developing as they should.
It would be stewardship to:
Each one of those bullet points has so much behind it. So much history, personalities, hurts, social pressure and community issues.
Back to the 'stewardship' message. It's interesting to veer away and come back, because I never know were I'm going to end up.
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Working on a stewardship message for the newsletters that will go out at the end of November. Yes, we work well ahead of it.
This post here at A Church for Starving Artists (on Trinity & Community) caught my attention. I wish we had that kind of expansion of ministry going on. It is what should be going on - a way to catch the Spirit and create places for the Spirit to work in community.
I come from a tradition where Worship - the community at Worship - has been considered THE big event, the core, the significant time. Because of that my tradition has been slow to understand the power of small groups, of interpersonal relationshps and the intensive but somehow light touch of true personal discipling. We may seen these things happening, we may have personally experienced them, but we don't have ways to incorporate those practices into our Church Life very well.
We are still blocked by the centrality of Word and Sacrament - and define that as THE preaching and THE Sunday community meal.
If I were asked why this is so - in truth, I think it is because we are tired. Most pastors I know, seem tired, even if they won't admit it. Many of my laity are tired, too tired to engage in our community. And I think our theology is tired - not wrong, not outdated, and certainly not false or anything like that - just tired and unhappily stuck to that 1950s model of being church.
This impacts with stewardship - here we are, by necessity, asking for money and commitment, but we are tired and don't really know what we are commiting to. And those other arenas for growth - for what JanE called community in Trinity - are not developing as they should.
It would be stewardship to:
- admit we are still healing
- conceive of healing things to do together as individuals in community
- Open the notion of greater connection as a good thing
- Ask what folks desire (and listen to the little heard voices)
- Discuss the shift from maintenance (do we really need airconditioning) to mission (how is God working in this place)
- Reflect on what leadership is about here
Each one of those bullet points has so much behind it. So much history, personalities, hurts, social pressure and community issues.
Back to the 'stewardship' message. It's interesting to veer away and come back, because I never know were I'm going to end up.
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Thursday, November 6, 2008
today
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Today is a mental health day. My noon appointment cancelled and I just stayed home. Of course, I haven't totally not worked - sent some stuff out on e-mail, but mostly it was just me time.
And about time for me time - I have a headache which comes and goes (a weather headache, I think), and my blood pressure is up when I took it with my home kit. I've been suspicious about the BP and hesitant to start charting it.
Last winter when I really set myself up for burnout my BP went way too high. Medication change may have helped, but more likely it was just slowing down and dealing with the stress better.
And now I'm noticing that kind of stressed-out, unappreciated, grumpy attitude is more common than not. Time for deep-breathing, remembering it's not about me. Time for prayer and for knowing that God's in control. Time to distance myself from snarky co-workers and petty agendas. Time to do some deep thinking.
Time for a mental health Weekend! No sermon this weekend means Friday and Saturday are mine too!
And the new bed comes tomorrow.
And the DS has become my yard boy and is doing all the hard work outside.
And I am still knitting.
I can handle those things.
Amen.
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Today is a mental health day. My noon appointment cancelled and I just stayed home. Of course, I haven't totally not worked - sent some stuff out on e-mail, but mostly it was just me time.
And about time for me time - I have a headache which comes and goes (a weather headache, I think), and my blood pressure is up when I took it with my home kit. I've been suspicious about the BP and hesitant to start charting it.
Last winter when I really set myself up for burnout my BP went way too high. Medication change may have helped, but more likely it was just slowing down and dealing with the stress better.
And now I'm noticing that kind of stressed-out, unappreciated, grumpy attitude is more common than not. Time for deep-breathing, remembering it's not about me. Time for prayer and for knowing that God's in control. Time to distance myself from snarky co-workers and petty agendas. Time to do some deep thinking.
Time for a mental health Weekend! No sermon this weekend means Friday and Saturday are mine too!
And the new bed comes tomorrow.
And the DS has become my yard boy and is doing all the hard work outside.
And I am still knitting.
I can handle those things.
Amen.
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Tuesday, November 4, 2008
at work, but . . .
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One of my stressors is the length of some of my days. I am often here in Working Town 10-12 hours. Today it will be from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. at least. No going home at all, it's too far to drive back and forth and wastes too much time and gas.
One of the things I've realized is that I have to take down time. It's tempting to keep plowing through - keep reading that book there, writing that report, preparing that class, prepping that sermon.
But really, in any other job, I would get a lunch and dinner break, and coffee breaks.
So I will push back the guilt that says doing crosswords in the office (as I was caught doing last Thursday at 5:30) is something inappropriate.
Hurrah for computer games!
P.S. I voted. had to balance head and heart. It was hard. Two weeks ago I wasn't going to vote in the presidential election at all. Our congressman will get re-elected, so the presidential election is the only real race on the ballot. So I cam to a decision, and I'm not sure about it.
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One of my stressors is the length of some of my days. I am often here in Working Town 10-12 hours. Today it will be from 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. at least. No going home at all, it's too far to drive back and forth and wastes too much time and gas.
One of the things I've realized is that I have to take down time. It's tempting to keep plowing through - keep reading that book there, writing that report, preparing that class, prepping that sermon.
But really, in any other job, I would get a lunch and dinner break, and coffee breaks.
So I will push back the guilt that says doing crosswords in the office (as I was caught doing last Thursday at 5:30) is something inappropriate.
Hurrah for computer games!
P.S. I voted. had to balance head and heart. It was hard. Two weeks ago I wasn't going to vote in the presidential election at all. Our congressman will get re-elected, so the presidential election is the only real race on the ballot. So I cam to a decision, and I'm not sure about it.
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Sunday, November 2, 2008
Sunday after
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Three computers. Three people. Each on a computer. Within 12 feet of each other. It's the new version of reading in the same room, I guess.
I'm blogging and reading blogs.
Dear Son is looking at skateboard videos - Mom- look at this guy fall!
If you've never seen a skateboard video, you've missed an authentic America artform -
Kinetic street ballet. With amazing crashes.
Aquila is checking on obituaries.
We are a fun family.
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Three computers. Three people. Each on a computer. Within 12 feet of each other. It's the new version of reading in the same room, I guess.
I'm blogging and reading blogs.
Dear Son is looking at skateboard videos - Mom- look at this guy fall!
If you've never seen a skateboard video, you've missed an authentic America artform -
Kinetic street ballet. With amazing crashes.
Aquila is checking on obituaries.
We are a fun family.
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