13 ways to deal with me

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Today I heard the old complaint "When you get short with me". It's old. Others have said it to me. So it must be true, at some level. But during this conversation these thoughts went through my head:

"What do you do that causes me to be short with you?"
"Why am I the one who has/is the problem?
"Why do I have to have the thick skin, infinite patience and deep understanding?"

So: 13 ways to deal with me:
1) Don't accost me when I walk in the door, or are heading out of the door to somewhere else, expecting a cordial decision. Let me get my coat off! Or understand that I'm supposed to be somewhere. Your bad planning is not my emergency.
2) Please get to the point.
3) Please get to the 2nd point in the same discussion.
4) Don't interrupt me when I'm in conversation with someone else. I'll extend the same courtesy to you. Ask me to get back to you. I will.
4b) I'll let one interruption pass. Two will tick me off.
5) I love to brainstorm and be creative. I can also give advice. I can also tell you what to do. Let me know what works for you this time.
6) Remember what I've told you, especially if you asked for the information/decision. And if you asked, let me know if you're not going to use it.
7) CYA is not a bad thing. Remind me of our decisions/conversations in writing.
8) Don't lie.
9) Be careful about dropping the ball. But at least clean up after yourself. Ask for help if you need it. There is usually a Plan B.
10) No surprises. No unpleasant surprises. Good ones are okay.
11) Ask me to reconsider if you think I'm flying off the handle. My high emotions (temper) has a half-life of about 3 hours.
12) Don't hold grudges about me. I usually move on (although trust may become an issue if we have a history). I spend time in prayer to understand others.
13) Even if it is unpleasant, let's talk face to face. Don't go behind my back. Talk to me (jsut not on the run).

So, it's onward and upward in the realm of human relations!
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little things

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It's the little things.

It's the things I don't control.

I can only control how I respond.

It's having this conversation.

Confirmation Coordinator: "We had a pretty good year. I only wish we had some goals or some vision statement so we have a sense of the bigger picture of what we're doing. Parents don't seem to understand why we ask for what we ask."

Me: "Ah, when you started last summer I gave you a file with all the work from the task force that looked at that issue in 2007. There were all the notes, the final vision statement, the yearly goals and objectives and the 5 year plan. I also sent you the orientation PowerPoint with that same material on it to share with the parents."

Later that week: Confirmation Coordinator: "Oh, I can't find that yellow file, do you still have that material?"

And yesterday, when I looked on the computer - all my confirmation documents are gone. Just gone. Not there. Not in back-up either. I don't know what happened.

It's having this situation. Tonight I have to discuss faith statements with 4 high school students. I was told that student X had her statement in, and it was a good one. I said to student X last week - looking forward to seeing your statement and talking to you. Now I was told yesterday that student X doesn't have her paper in. MP said to me - I'll call. Today at staff, MP turns to Youth Director and says: "did you call?" Youth Director, who was at church with me until almost 9 last night. "No I didn't, but I texted them just now - 10:30 a.m."

I can only control how I respond.

I desire to give people a piece of my ear. But that would only make folks look at me as a shrew. I'm sitting tight until I can formulate how to respond.

How to say truth in love - "you ignored the materials I gave you, and the work that I and others had done on that very topic of vision and goals. I'm sorry you felt you weren't supported that way, but the materials were there for you."

"I'm disappointed there wasn't earlier and firmer followup with these statements. I counted on you to do what you had said. Between Monday morning and Tuesday bed-time I put in 21 hours, and you put in 7 - but I would have made the phone calls if you had asked."

And there are more troubling situations on the horizon. Sigh. the questions remain - how am i best to do the work?
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in a fuzzy way

Too early, I'm up and around and preparing for the day. DH was buzzed and beeped out early for trauma - and now I get ready for my sabbath day. A sabbath rest should be a rest, so I should not take along the sermon notes or the plans for the class I have to teach on Sunday. Perhaps just take a Bible and read toward the next church year. Perhaps just take the murder mystery and enjoy that.

Hmm.
Bible.
Murder Mystery.

Shows where my priorities are.

I'm not as pious as people seem to think I am.
Or as people - my parishioners - want me to be.

I once was very pious. Went to worship daily - ahh, seminary. Spent lots of time in reading my Bible and journalling about it. Tried centering prayer for a week or two. Fell asleep. Tried reading morning and evening prayer - kept it up for about two months. The books are still right here.

Funny how getting older has not helped with the discipline.

Today's reading - from James
Do not speak evil against one another, brothers and sisters. Whoever speaks evil against another or judges another, speaks evil against the law and judges the law; but if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and to destroy. So who, then, are you to judge your neighbor?

At work I try to remember Luther's interpretation of the 8th Commandment (lutheran style - do not bear false witness). MP (Ministry Partner), vents about another staff person - I'm the sounding board, and I say wait - see - it may work out. He/She may come around, may do that thing you think they haven't prepared for.

I know I've been in that situation when I was doubted and harassed. I know how it feels to be examined under a microscope for every misstep, and correct step as well. It wasn't that long ago that evil was spoken against me. And speaking rightly isn't about fairness, it's about being Christ to each other.

subject change: sermon thought - the difference between a pilgrim and a tourist, a pilgrim is a disciple on a journey, a tourist is not. That is not expressed very well - it needs reinfinement.

At clergy breakfast - "We went to Spain to see our daughter." "Oh, did you go to any of the famous pilgrimage sites?" "Uh, no, we went to beaches." My thought: depends on what your god may be - some of those beaches are pilgrimage sites.

So: Bible and Murder Mystery. And time for prayer.


Off to the farm!